Mystery Trio - Frustrating
by Laura Latts
Summary: "I've dealt with unicorns before and if I had to describe them in one word it would be...frustrating." (Rated T for language. One Shot)
_Laura: I was given a prompt on tumblr and wanted to post it here. Some Mystery Trio fun. ^^_

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Stanley, Ford, and Fiddleford came back to the shack, tired and more than frustrated. Stanley slung his backpack down on the floor when he came in.

"Look! I said I was sorry, okay?!", Stan said, turning around and glared at his brother. "I didn't know the damn thing was gonna be so sensitive!"

"It's. A. UNICORN. STANLEY!", Ford scowled back, also dropping his pack. "OF COURSE it's going to be sensitive. Why the hell do you think girls like them so much? But despite that, it didn't mean you have to go and point that out!"

"Come on, Ford, it was jus'an accident.", Fiddleford said, following in behind them and closing the door, earning their attention. "So, they banished all of humanity from ever comin' across their little hideaway in the enchanted part of the forest, that could only be summoned now by an ancient chanting bellowed with deep bass voices like of olden days, because Stanley insulted the unicorn and didn't realize. That doesn't mean that you have to keep fightin' with 'im."

"NO! No, this is EXACTLY what my issue with you is! You never know when to shut up, Stanley!", Ford said, turning back around. "You never, EVER once know when to just keep quiet! Unless it's to hide something you did!"

Stan rolled his eyes and groaned as he stormed into the house. But Ford was relentless and followed after him into the living room.

"You didn't just insult the unicorns and caused them to disappear from all of humanity, you costed us that hair! We need that hair to keep Bill Cipher from entering our dreams whenever he pleases and turning them into nightmares! Suffering from nightmares will make it hard for us to sleep which will lead to desperation, that he would LOVE to take advantage of!", Ford explained. "Dammit! It was your loud mouth that alerted the vampires from last week to seek out where we were spying on them!"

"Well it was just the couple o' occasions.", Fidds chimed in.

"AND the basilisk from a month before!", Ford snapped.

"..Y-yeah, that was pretty bad..", Fiddleford scratched the back of his neck. "..And the zombies that one-"

"I don't need you telling me how horrible I was Fiddleford!", Stanley shouted back. "I get it! I need to shut up! Maybe I should just spend the whole day silent!"

"Actually it wouldn't be such a bad idea!", Ford snapped back. "No! You know what? Why not you just stay out of all my projects?! You're always screwing something up! Why not just stay home next time I go out into the woods? Think you can handle that? I'll even let McGucket stay behind so you won't break my beakers like you have before, PLENTY of times in the past!"

"DAMMIT FORD I GET IT! WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP?! I GET IT NOW! I'M the idiot! I'M the problem!"

"Stanley stop trying to make yourself the victim here!"

"I'm NOT! I'm just owning up to it! WHY DON'T YOU GET IT?! I SCREWED UP! I'm man enough to admit it! I'm so-"

"It's not that you screwed up like any other time it's that you REALLY screwed up something important when NO ONE ASKED YOU TO BUTT IN!"

"Well you know, half of the time I'm 'butting in' is because I'm only trying to help YOU!", Stanley growled. "But I know I was stupid this time! I'm sorry! Can't you just accept a simple apology?!"

"I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING APOLOGY, STANLEY! SOMETIMES I WISH YOU WERE STILL IN NEW JERSEY!"

Stanley's mouth shut in a look of hurt. Fiddleford's jaw dropped in shock. Ford stood his ground. Stanley opened his mouth to say something, shut it tight again, and then walked off with a shake of his head. Ford huffed and stormed away into another part of the house. Fiddleford looked between the two of them and panicked.

"F-ford! Surely ya don't mean-!", he started after Ford but then turned around, thinking of how hurt Stanley looked. "Stanley! Hold up now!"

He stopped and looked back, wondering if he should calm Ford down. He didn't know what to do. The thought of them being separated was dreadful to the hillbilly. He's only ever seen them together, thick as thieves. Granted, they bickered now and again, but nothing like this. What if Stanley took what Ford said to heart and left? He bit his knuckle and glanced both ways again fretfully, unsure which way would be the right decision.

Stanley sat on the back porch. Shoulder's slumped and head hung, heavy with what Ford had said. They had to fight tooth and nail to get Stanley out of that stupid state, and catch up with Ford and Fidds in Gravity Falls. To be honest, he already felt kind of left out of things between the two of them. He wasn't quite into the swing of things and did tend to mess everything up.

Stanley sighed and rubbed the back of his neck sorely. He did screw things up. And it felt like it happened nearly every other day now. If he wasn't forgetting something Ford asked or told him, he was breaking something or getting in the way, or scaring off some other creature. And more and more lately, Ford would be growling and snapping at him, telling him to keep out of certain rooms in the house. Sometimes he still worried Ford hadn't forgiven him for high school.

The backdoor opened and Stanley could tell it was Fiddleford's feet, walking across the porch. He saw him sit down nearby and look back at him in concern.

"..I don't need you to come and make sure my feelings aren't hurt.", he said, curling away a bit tighter.

"No, I don't need to make sure your feelings aren't hurt.", Fiddleford said softly. "I already know they are."

Stanley stared back down at the ground, not wanting to talk.

"…Stanley, I'm sorry yer brother's bein' like this. I don't think he really meant what he said about ya havin' to go back to New Jersey.", Fiddleford said, earning a scoff.

"No, he means it.", Stanley said, turning his head away and resting it on a fist propped up on his knee. "I screw up so much, how much worse could I do back home? Why would he want me around? He's right. All I ever do is ruin everything…"

"…Stanley..", Fiddleford gently laid a hand on his shoulder.

He pulled and got Stanley to turn around and face him. Tears were falling down his cheeks as he kept his gaze to the ground. Fiddleford gently cupped his cheek and brushed away a tear with his thumb. Stanley sniffled a little, not really wanting to cry.

"…You don't ruin ev'rythin'.", Fiddleford said reassuringly. "I can promise you that."

"No you can't.", Stanley sighed and pulled his face away, pushing down Fidds' hands. "Look. I know you're a motherly type Fidds, but it's not gonna work okay? I fuck everything up and I wouldn't wanna put up with it either. Maybe I should move out. I'm sure I'd find something better than just pestering my brother."

"No no no!", Fiddleford called softly, still trying to reach out to him. "I wouldn't wan'cha to move away! Honest! You don't screw it all up! I can see when yer just trying to help! Look, Stanley, if there's a mistake here it's Ford."

Stanley looked back, bewildered. How could Ford possibly make a mistake? Especially when it was Stanley's fault for having insulted the unicorns and stressed his brother out even further?

"You've only been here a few months, but I could already see, you beat yerself up 'n down and point all the fingers at yerself when you mess up. You already feel like crap before Ford has a chance to say anything. You're not frustrated at Ford or even me, you're mad at yerself.", Fiddleford explained. "And then Ford goes and rubs salt in the wound and you're just all kinds of feelin' awful. And I hate seein' that, Stanley. It breaks a heart, y'know? He don't know how bad you feel, he's only mad right now. He'll get over it. He always does. Ford throws himself into a fit over all sorts of things. This makes no difference. We'll figure out another way around the hair. Don't sweat it."

Stanley sniffled a little more and quickly tried to rub his eyes dry. He hated sounding like a sap. He cleared his throat and tried to get a grip on himself, but gave a small, quivering smile to Fiddleford.

"..Thanks..", he said softly. "…I just wish he knew I wasn't always out to mess things up for him."

"It'll be fine. I'm sure he accounts how bad ya must feel for it all. Just give him some time.", Fiddleford smiled back.

They sat in silence for a while. Stanley still tried to rub his eyes dry. It hurt, but Fiddleford's silence and reassuring hand on his shoulder made him feel a little better.

"…I'm sure he'll figure it out one day. You always meant the best intention.", Fiddleford offered to say. "…And…if it's any consolation.. I'm glad he didn't go to Westcoast."

"What do you mean?", Stanley asked, confused. "It would've been perfect for him. Who knows how much better off Ford would've been if I didn't screw it up.."

"Well if he didn' go to Backupsmore, I wouldn't've gotten to meet him. Or you fer that matter.", Fiddleford explained, smiling back. "And being with you two these last few months has been the best. And not just monster huntin'. You've been the one to pull us out of the basement on more than one occasion to keep us from overworkin'. And Ford's been the one to keep us from makin' a mistake with the anomalies and gettin' hurt. And you know as well as I, there are times a-plenty, we're all just laid back and cracking up over yer practical jokes or Ford's quick wits. I'm so glad we've gotten a chance to meet. I can't possibly imagine a universe where that wasn't the case."

Stanley smiled more, touched and appreciative. He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded.

"Me too.. I'm glad we've gotten to hang out.", he said, looking down at the grass. "It has been pretty cool. Going on adventures and fighting monsters with you guys. I feel really stupid for messing up. But I guess it's obvious, who wouldn't?"

"Well to be fair, I've blown covers myself in pure fright.", Fiddleford confessed. "I'm probably the most scared out of the whole group. At least you can fight off monsters when there's trouble. I just run and scream. And Ford's messed up too."

"Heh. Really? How?", Stanley scoffed.

"He almost lost a finger tryin' ta peek under a gnome's hat.", Fidds chuckled, earning a snicker from the other twin.

"Okay. But really, I thought you meant he's messed up huge."

"Got himself bit by werewolves and vampires. He's lucky there was an antidote.", Fiddleford confessed more, making Stanley laugh. "Fell for a siren's song. Got tangled in a were-spider's web. Got himself stuck to the ceiling of a UFO with the magnet gun he created and was testing out. Ford's messed up plenty. It's how you learn, Stanley. I say anymore and he'll likely fire me."

"Are you serious? You're not just jerking my chain are you?", Stanley asked.

"It may have been only a few years with me compared to a whole life with you, but I've seen Ford do some stupid shit.", Fiddleford shrugged with a smug smirk. "More than he lets on."

"Okay.. Thanks, Fidds.", Stanley smiled more and clasped a hand on the engineer's back, nearly knocking his glasses off till Fidd's caught them. "I really needed to hear this."

"Heh. No problem, Stan. But uh, if I may make a suggestion?", he offered. "Ya might wanna consider bein' a touch more mindful about yer strength."

"Oh, yeah, I guess. Sorry.", Stanley smiled a little sheepishly.

"It's fine, it's fine.", Fiddleford smiled. "I had to remind Ford the same thing. Ya both could lift more than I."

They chuckled a little and Fidds stood up.

"Well now, I best see if Ford's willin' ta calm down. Maybe we'll straighten this all out later.", he said with a small stretch.

"You go on ahead. I think I'll hang out here a little longer before I talk with him.", Stanley nodded.

"Alright.", Fidds shrugged.

Fiddleford went inside and talked things out with Ford. Of course Ford was willing to forgive and apologize for being harsh. It had been a long week, he explained, and the stress on his shoulders with Bill Cipher wasn't going to make future days any easier. They talked it over and opted for finding better solutions.

Then the only problem was finding Stanley.

They looked all over the house, but Stanley was no where to be found. Fiddleford worried. He thought they had it all sorted out. Ford was starting to worry too. He paced back and forth in the house, constantly glancing at every clock he had.

"…This isn't like him. He wasn't anywhere in the house. Where could he be?", he muttered to himself.

"I dunno.", Fiddleford sighed.

"You don't suppose he actually left do you? But his car's still here.. Unless he wanted to leave it behind for me.", Ford said looking out at it. "That would be like him. Mine was destroyed and.."

"Ford, maybe he just went for a walk in the woods.", Fiddleford offered.

"Oh that would be even worse! He could be snatched up by a gremoblin! Or paralyzed by a griffon!", Ford worried.

"Think you have those the other way around.", Fidds commented. "Gremoblins paralyze and griffons snatch."

"Ah! What would it matter at this point?!", Ford groaned.

"Ford, just calm down. I'm sure he'll be back soon.", Fiddleford reassure.

Ford sighed.

"You're right. I'm sure he can bust his way out of any problem.", Ford tried to calm down. He paused, looking down at the carpet, and gave a small smile. "..Leave it to Stanley. He could always find his way out of trouble."

He came back over to the window, legs itching to walk while he thought.

"…Just hope he comes back soon. Sun's just starting to set.", he thought aloud.

It wasn't until dark. Stanley came into the house and fell back against the door with a heavy sigh. Rubbed his eyes and came in. There was a rustle and then a few lights turned on from deeper in the shack before there was a series of thumping. Ford ran into the living room, almost startling Stan.

"Stanley! Where the hell were-?! What the hell is with-?!", Ford looked him up and down. "….Wait, a minute, why the hell are you covered in… rainbows? And…silver?"

Stanley wiped some of the gooey liquid from his cheek, smearing it on his forehead by mistake.

"You can ask me that after I clean up. But here. Gotcha a little something.", he said, holding out the sack he was carrying.

Ford curiously took it. It was Stan's backpack.

"What?", he asked.

Stanley reached in and plopped something itchy on Ford's head, making his brother cringe for a moment.

"Boom. Unicorn hair.", he said.

Ford looked up at the long locks of rainbow hair and took it off. It was fashioned into a wig, looking much like a woman's hairstyle.

"Wait… Stan, this isn't unicorn hair is it?!", Ford gasped.

"Your welcome.", Stanley smiled some.

"But how did-", Ford paused and looked over him again. "….Oh my gosh, Stan, you didn't kill one did you?"

"I told you they were overstuffed, pompous, airheads that were literally made of shit-rainbows and glitter.", Stanley smirked. "That couldn't lift a horn to save themselves and were total scams to say they saw pure of heart when they couldn't recognize purity if the most holy saint smacked them over the head. Course I did have to take back one thing. The damn horses know how to put up a fight."

"Why the hell would you do that and not tell me where you went, you KNUCKLEDHEAD!?", Ford hit him with the wig.

"OW! Damn! I was trying to make it up to you! Fuck! Can't accept a simple apology?!", Stan rubbed his head.

"I don't want your fucking damn apology Stanley! I WANTED TO KNOW YOU WEREN'T GONNA TURN INTO A FUCKING VAMPIRE ON ME!", Ford scolded.

Fiddleford quickly came in, rubbing his eyes.

"What? Damn are you two still-?", he stopped short and watched them.

"Oh so you don't think I could've punched a simple bat in the face? Dammit Ford I just killed two unicorns and sent one home crying! I can take care of myself!", Stanley shouted back and held up his fist. "You see this blood? I did that! You could show some gratitude!"

"I'm about to add your blood to that fist, Stanley!"

"And I made it into a fucking wig for you and everything! That's hand stitching for you!"

"THANK YOU! IT WAS FUNNY! BUT IT DOESN'T EXCUSE THE FACT THAT YOU WENT OUT WITHOUT TELLING ME!"

"ALRIGHT GEEZ I'M SORRY!"

"ABOUT FUCKING TIME!"

"I SAID THAT LIKE 8 HOURS AGO YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

Fiddleford smiled and shook his head. He leaned against the doorway and watched while they shouted, quietly glad to have been an only child. At least they were getting along now.


End file.
